The day there was that Rugby match that Gareth won’t want to talk about.

So we go and watch the Rugby, because I didn’t go to Manchester and Glenn didn’t go to his superhero themed BBQ (despite paying £7.50 to hire a wheelchair so he can go as the only bald superhero we could think of – Professor X). I’m not drinking because I have had a headache that starts at the top of my head and shoots down into my left ear for four days. I have half a lager, headache disappears completely, I am wondering if my left ear is alcohol dependant. We plan to drive home though, so I continue to not drink, a mobile DJ turns up, I commence drinking, the DJ starts to play the Macarena, I cancel the lager and dive straight into the Jack Daniels. Sarah and I tell some bloke who has decided to move in with his girlfriend that it’s really, really hard living with someone, Glenn tells us off, bloke’s girlfriend turns up to collect him, 10 of us run into the carpark and drag her inside, Sarah and I tell her that it’s really, really hard living with someone, Glenn tells me off again. Girl orders drink under extreme peer pressure and me telling her alcohol is very good for the ear. Our taxi turns up before girls drink does, we leave bloke and girl with the mobile DJ not quite looking at each other, probably wondering if moving in together is the best idea they’ve ever had, and waiting for something pleasant to happen in their ears.

As we sit in the taxi, the driver asks us where to and we all look at each other, we realise it’s only 9.15, so we should probably attempt a little more of a hardcore night and go on somewhere else. Sarah suggests The Thurleston, as it’s walking distance from our house, I am fuzzy around the edges and wondering if Jack Daniels could be made into ear drops so agree enthusiastically, Glenn asks me if I’m sure, I ask him what he’s talking about, we carry on. Wayne tells the taxi driver he’s very attractive, Sarah, Glenn and I try to become invisible for fear of TDR (Taxi Driver’s Revenge). We arrive at The Thurleston, I suggest no eye contact, and that we sit in the corner, don’t start any random conversations and order a lot to drink, Wayne enters the bar area, immediately begins a conversation with two blokes playing darts, starts playing himself, orders no drinks. Sarah and I continue to get sloshed, while Wayne plays darts with strangers and Glenn plays pool with a lesbian. A man with many tattoo’s starts to talk to me, I respond enthusiastically as have warm Jack Daniels coated insides. All in all, we join in with the people I never wanted to talk to, and we blend in in the pub I never wanted to go into, am unsure as to what this says about us but am safe in the knowledge that we have hopefully insured ourselves against burglary, or at the very least have insured that anyone who does burgle us will get a kicking from our new friends The Tatooed and Largely Unemployed.