Wherein I throw my toys out of the pram with such force my boss spins around and around and around and around and around.

Yesterday I did the previously unthinkable and I said no to my boss, this has come at no small personal cost to my dignity as despite mentally chanting “be professional, be professional, be professional”, all sense of pride left me and I cried down the phone like a child. To which he said this;

“…………………………….riiiiiiiiiight…………….. I’ll call you back”.

And then he didn’t call me back for another seven hours, he emailed me back and basically said no was not an option, so I called someone else and, despite mentally chanting “pull yourself together, pull yourself together, pull yourself together”, I managed to cry again.

Oh dignity, you have left me, I have now lost the label of Hannah who will go anywhere and do anything and must now live with being Hannah who will go most places and do certain things but not others and will cry if you try and make her.

Wow, I didn’t know I was capable of such wanton career sabotage, turns out, I totally am.

In actualy truth, I'm really not ready but I think it's something in my genes.....

So this person called Kate at work brings her two year old in first thing before the college nursery opens, and every morning this little girl (Maisie) scowls at me, and every day I say hello, and she scowls and ocassionally cries at the very sight of me, then this morning, she looked me up and down, then opened her arms and said "hug!", and I said "really?" and she said "hug!", so we had a cuddle, and then as I pulled away she pursed her little lips and stuck her face towards me and I said "kiss?", and she nodded, so I had a little kiss and MY OVARIES EXPLODED, ohmygod I think I'm going to have to have a baby or I might shrivel up and die.

That is all.

Number 6

I love you, and that's rare and beautiful.

When cool people lose cool points, oh dear.....

So this itunes thing is probably boring you now, but I am going through the painstaking process of sorting through exactly what's in the bloody thing before I import stuff onto my brand new, shiny and beautiful Ipod and accidently fill it with crap. My love of the shuffle function is well documented and it spoils it when you listen to a good 20 odd awesome tunes, and suddenly something from Queen comes on because your boyfriend insisted and you're driving so you can't concentrate of SKIPPING IT and have to listen to 'the show must go on' while navigating your way through the M6 carpark....

Anyway the point is, now Lof's music and my music is on the same PC, I have to sort through 6080 songs and try to eliminate the previously mentioned duplicates and also, which of Lof's tracks do I want on my bright and shiny pod and which do I forget about in the hope he was smoking crack when he selected them...?

I mean really, the Top Gun soundtrack? Mr Woodward how could you?!

Hours and hours and hours later.....

All the many duplicates stopped being a kind of sweet reminder of my friends and started being the kind of teeth grinding annoyance that makes you stop, sit in the black leather office chair and spin around and around and around and around and around................

He is a giant, in so many ways......

LOF's music and my music is now sharing the same Itunes, I don't know if Moch's music is on there aswell but after importing all my music onto their old hard drive I did a little experiment... when selecting 'show all duplicates' there are 1187 tracks, that's 3.5 days worth of music.

Something in common.

Re: G'day Sheila!

Funny story; When we left you at the airport I was determined not to cry, I thought 'this is stupid, it's not like she's going away forever, and you can go and see her, you're not that poor and besides, it's christmas, there's all those crap presents from your mum to look forward to!', and then I got in the car, Glenn watching me out of the corner of his eye for signs of tears, still I did not cry, and then we turned the radio on and Take That was the first song on, and that was it, to the constipated strains of Gary Brlow wishing for some Pay-Shonce, I bawled my eyes out, and once I started I couldn't stop, I cried as I dropped Glenn off for Rugby, I cried as I filled the car with petrol, I cried when I paid for said petrol, I cried all the way to the hairdressers and all the way through my haircut (looks fab though), the bawling got me a cup of tea but not a discount (tight cow), I think I cried for about four hours. This was good though, because I haven't cried nearly enough over the last few months about everything so it was very cathartic, I even went to my mum's house and managed not to cry un ti she asked me how you got on at the airport and then I started again, so she's really pleased she's finally seen some emotion from me!

Anyway, we never got to Time (which is apparently now 'fuse') because Glenn was poorly on christmas eve (it's called imissmattitis and he is suffering poor boy...) and my sister had a date! We were all very excited about the date, he is 29 and has no wife or kids, which is quite something for Redditch people, I think he might be developmentally challenged, until she rang me from the toilets to tell me that he had finished dinner with the words "have to be off then, got to see the wife and kids", so not developmentally challenged, just an arsehole.

Christmas presents included an Ipod, which I was very shocked and thrilled about, I have lovely friends and a lovely chap who will look after me when I need propping up and give me a metaphorical slap when I need one (and a real slap if I ask nicely) and stop me buying shoes when I say "please don't let me buy the shoes, I have to see the parrots that live in the trees!", and then they will ask me if I need some therapy because they think I'm the only person who can see parrots in the trees....

Mum and Dad bought me some Eyepod speakers, and some perfume, some Le Creuset (fancy dishes), and some make up specially formulated for people with acne, 80 cotton wool pads, some make up remover, some pyjama's, lovingly handed to me with the words "these are for the hospital, you can't wear them now" and I had asked for some GHD straighteners, so Mum bought me SHE straighteners, haven't tried them out yet.....

I have decorated the bedroom! Chris came for lunch so I carried on the tradition of not letting the guest eat until he had done some DIY and we ripped off all the wallpaper, and despite the fact that Glenn was at work (and for 'at work', read 'stopping off at the office en route to the pub for 3 days straight'), I filled and sanded and painted the walls, and bought new curtains and bedding and it looks really pretty. not as exciting as water parks and orange parrots I know but I felt very proud of me!

New Years Eve was messy, Liz and Gareth came for lunch and I was already pretty wasted by the time we finished eating at 2.30, by 11pm I was telling everyone about Glenn's pubes, I don't know why, he has forgiven me though because as I write this I have a quite horrible hangover and that is punishment enough.

I'm so glad you arrived there safely and it sounds like it's everything you hoped it would be, enjoy yourself my lovely, and if you think about it from an astronomers point of you, we're really not that far apart.

Keep safe, both of you!!
All the love in the world.
Hxxx