Me: GLENN!
Him: Jesus! What?!
Me: Someone is stealing money from my account!
Him: What?
Me: I am looking at my account online and there is a withdrawal from this funny code and I did not pay it out and SOMEONE IS STEALING MY MONEY!
Him: How much?
Me: £2.80
Him: Hang on, you're actually having some kind of breakdown, because you can't account for £2.80 missing from your account?
Me: YES! First it's £2.80, you know, just to see if they can get away with it, then they take more, and more, and before you know it, they've stolen my identity and we're being evicted!
Him: Who is the payment going to?
Me: QPark BWM
Him: £2.80.... QPark... BWM.... Ha ha ha ha ha!
Me: THIS IS NOT FUNNY!
Him: Q-Parking, Birmingham Womens's Hospital, you numpty, it's your bloody carparking charges!
Me: Oh.
Him: Is this you being stupid?
Me: No, it's me being vigilant!
Him: Stupid and vigilant
Me: I don't...
Him: You're a stupid vigilante.
Me: That's not very..
Him: You burn down any houses belonging to paediatricians lately?
Me: Fuck off.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Conversation in a book shop
Sales Assistant: Excuse me sir, can I help you?
Glenn: No thank you.
SA: Can I ask if you have come in today to buy the new Harry Potter?
G: Yep.
SA: Did you pre-order a copy?
G: Nope.
SA: Well sir, that's ok because we have plenty for those who didn't pre-order them, can I help you to find one?
G: Nope.
SA: Are you sure?
G: Do you see the book in my hand?
SA: Yes sir.
G: The one that says 'Harry Potter' on the front?
SA: Ah, yes sir, I can see that.
G: I managed to find that from the table loaded with about 200 other ones right by the entrance.
SA: ok, enjoy your book sir.
Me: I'd like to leave now.
G: Oh really? WOULD YOU LIKE ANY HELP WITH THAT?
Glenn: No thank you.
SA: Can I ask if you have come in today to buy the new Harry Potter?
G: Yep.
SA: Did you pre-order a copy?
G: Nope.
SA: Well sir, that's ok because we have plenty for those who didn't pre-order them, can I help you to find one?
G: Nope.
SA: Are you sure?
G: Do you see the book in my hand?
SA: Yes sir.
G: The one that says 'Harry Potter' on the front?
SA: Ah, yes sir, I can see that.
G: I managed to find that from the table loaded with about 200 other ones right by the entrance.
SA: ok, enjoy your book sir.
Me: I'd like to leave now.
G: Oh really? WOULD YOU LIKE ANY HELP WITH THAT?
Friday, July 20, 2007
Bring the pain!
Yesterday I got a letter, it said this;
Dear Hannah,
Here at LA Fitness, we really want you to enjoy your body. I noticed you have cancelled your membership, so now I'm worried you won't be able to.
Blah blah bargain membership offer blah blah.
Your sincerely,
Fit lady who manages the gym.
I was touched by their concern, not many people ask me if I enjoy my body, which is a shame when you think about it, what is life without an inappropriate sales tactic disguised as concern for a person's health?!
So, sucked in by the concern, and curious to find out exactly how the gym is going to help me enjoy my body, I signed up again. It also helps that pilates is back on the timetable.
I am very sad that my gym buddy isn't here to help me suffer, but she'll be back soon, and when she is, I'm going to make her suffer like I'm planning on suffering! BRING ON THE HURT!
Lovely.
Dear Hannah,
Here at LA Fitness, we really want you to enjoy your body. I noticed you have cancelled your membership, so now I'm worried you won't be able to.
Blah blah bargain membership offer blah blah.
Your sincerely,
Fit lady who manages the gym.
I was touched by their concern, not many people ask me if I enjoy my body, which is a shame when you think about it, what is life without an inappropriate sales tactic disguised as concern for a person's health?!
So, sucked in by the concern, and curious to find out exactly how the gym is going to help me enjoy my body, I signed up again. It also helps that pilates is back on the timetable.
I am very sad that my gym buddy isn't here to help me suffer, but she'll be back soon, and when she is, I'm going to make her suffer like I'm planning on suffering! BRING ON THE HURT!
Lovely.
When I was 17 I listened to No Doubt's 'Don't Speak' on repeat for about a month, such was the depth of my heartbreak and melodrama.
Is it true do you think, that first loves will always hold a special place in our hearts? No matter where you go, what you do, or how much you dedicate the rest of your heart to someone else, there’s always that small pocket which can never belong to anyone because it belongs to them?
Or maybe, every time we fall in love, we give a little piece of our heart away, and that’s what you feel when you meet them again, it’s that little bit that he has trying to get back to the heart that you have left, even though it doesn’t fit together anymore.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Things to write about
1. That lovely wedding I went to that one time.
2. That medieval wedding I went to that other time.
3. That time Glenn broke his arm, except he didn't break his arm, but for a while there we though he'd broken his arm and it was all a bit scary but we can laugh about it now except he can't.
4. How my job has gone from yeah quite busy to I DON'T HAVE TIMETO BREATHE busy (note to self - that's only interesting to me).
5. That weird email about the Christmas trees (not to self - Gareth's reaction is funnier than the email, probably should point that out).
2. That medieval wedding I went to that other time.
3. That time Glenn broke his arm, except he didn't break his arm, but for a while there we though he'd broken his arm and it was all a bit scary but we can laugh about it now except he can't.
4. How my job has gone from yeah quite busy to I DON'T HAVE TIMETO BREATHE busy (note to self - that's only interesting to me).
5. That weird email about the Christmas trees (not to self - Gareth's reaction is funnier than the email, probably should point that out).
Conversation with someone who manages Fish
Me: Hello, I 'm just going over some course set up and blah blah just looking at your Electric Fishing Refresher course blah blah more information blah also, do you electrocute the fish? Because that seems a little harsh...
Him: Blah blah information blah blah Electrocution is very good for fish, it helps them grow!
Me: Thanks very much blah blah, might give that a go on my sister's goldfish! Could be a laugh..
Him: DON'T DO THAT! Electricty and water can be VERY DANGEROUS if you don't know what you're doing!
Me: Riiiiiiiiight, thanks for that then, excellent, cheers.
Bloody country nutcase.
Him: Blah blah information blah blah Electrocution is very good for fish, it helps them grow!
Me: Thanks very much blah blah, might give that a go on my sister's goldfish! Could be a laugh..
Him: DON'T DO THAT! Electricty and water can be VERY DANGEROUS if you don't know what you're doing!
Me: Riiiiiiiiight, thanks for that then, excellent, cheers.
Bloody country nutcase.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)