Hello from the outer limits

I haven't said too much recently because I haven't really felt upbeat enough to write anything that wasn't a little bit 'poor me' and I didn't want to write anything that was 'poor me' because I have so much to be grateful for and really, the things in my life that are all a bit crappy at the moment are all fixable and hell, it's not like I live in the Sudan is it?

Reasons I am feeling a touch rubbish recently are few but significant (to me anyway), the house is coming along nicely but just seems to have taken over my life, it's all I think about when I'm not working, it's all I talk about and it's the reason I have no money. I am being attacked by the Hay Fever Fairy, who refuses to go away, the sun only has to shine through a haze of black cloud and my nose siezes up, my eyelids swell up and shut down and I CAN'T STOP SNEEZING, please, enough of this, it's so gross! And the endometriosis is back, ah we thought we had got rid of it for good (actually I remember my consultant telling me quite clearly that the only thing that was ever going to get rid of it for good was one of those baby things, but hey ho! They don't call it denial for nothing) I am resistant to the baby idea, what with that involving, you know, HAVING A BABY, so I am going to see that nice consultant man again in the hope that he had some kind of back up plan when he took me off all the medication with the words 'well, I'd like to keep you on it for longer as it hasn't fixed the problem, but you're too young to be on these drugs for any longer.' Well I'm ASSUMING he had a back up plan, he told me to go back if the symptoms came back again so here I go....

So you see, I have what is uncommonly known as the Summer Hotel Blues, these are like the Winter Blues but they occur when the weather is nice enough for total shut down of sinus function due to Hayfever and when you have to spend your nights in a hotel by yourself with too much time to think about how your body is your enemy and WHY DOES IT NOT KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION?!! As you struggle to sit down for any length of time without horrific stabbing pains in your lower back, now can you see why I need a job wher I don't have to drive so much? Driving is BAD.

Job interview on Monday, wish me luck.

So at the moment I feel a bit like I live on the moon and I'm watching everyone on earth getting on with things while I am paralysed up here, and this sinking feeling, like a lead weight pushing through my chest only gets worse and I don't know what to do.