Why I should not be allowed to interact with actual, live, people.

Me:

So here I am, just pleasantly working away, and the AP walks in to ask someone a question and he is yet again wearing the pink shirt that I always take the piss out of, so as we have been emailing recently I send one that says pink? again? really? and he replies with something like 'Alfie says it takes a real man to wear pink, sales girl did a good job besides, thought you were ignoring me?', so I say 'Alfie as in Michael Caine? wouldn't trust my wardrobe to an aging lothario, wonder if the sales girl did a really good job if you know what I mean, and it takes two to ignore each other Lewis!"

No reply, so then I think, oh God, I've been too familiar, implying he's slept with a sales girl for the sake of a pink shirt and called him by his surname, so I go downstairs to his office to apologise and walk in on him in a meeting, and his secretary has to literally stop me in the door way. So then I'm in the corridor, thinking, can I just die right here now please.

So then I think well now he's going to think I want something, so I send a very short email saying 'just wanted to check I hadn't offended you, think I may have been too familiar - apologies'. So now I've sent an email implying he slept with a sales girl for a shirt, called him by his surname, stalked him in a meeting, and sent yet another email apologising.

I just can't ever see or speak to him ever, ever again, I am going to haveto resign, there's nothing else for it, how totally and completely awful.

Her:

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. that made me laugh almost out loud. it's all so very bridget jones... i am sure he will laugh at your email(s) and won't think anything strange of your possible over familiarity or attempt to retrieve your foot from your mouth in an elegant way. it'll all be fine. don't quit, think of the mortgage. bet you will have had an email back by the time you read this.

Me:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, now have nice fantasy that he may think I am just funny / polite as opposed to nightmare Glenn Close type Stalker lady. Think the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle, ie; he will most probably think I am a bit odd. Which is fine, odd is sooooo much better than bunny boiler.

However, no email back yet, am pretending to myself that he's just still in the meeting, and that after this one he has another one and so on and so forth until I never have to come back here again. God why do these things happen to me? No one else makes college assistant principals change their perception of them from 'intelligent professional' to 'probable loony' all in ten minutes.

Oh thank god!!! Reply! I got a reply! he said:

No offense taken; even from an aging Lothario with my dress sense. Not wanting to be too familiar?.........but, She (sales girl) did do a really good job, if you know what I mean!

He totally wants me.