No leather undies this year... Goddamnit it!

Christmas is a funny time of year. On the one hand you get, you know, loads of cool stuff, which is awesome (and my stuff was very cool this year, including the food processor to end all food processors with which I will process much food and force my friends and family to eat it while saying "this comes fron Kenwood, where they make make great electric things with which chop, and slice, and blend..." and my friend and family will be very bored and wish for me to SHUT UP), and there is all the food you get to eat and not feel guilty about, which is a massive bonus because food for me always comes hand in hand with a large helping of guilt. Then on the the other hand, there's all the family you have to spend time with which you wouldn't ordinarily spend that much time with, and certain people who will remain nameless spend it hung over, texting their friends and shooting you disgusted glances because they CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE EVEN STILL ALIVE, YOU ARE SO POINTLESS (I'm not naming names, no siree, I will not even be drawn on what relationship she is to me MY SISTER AIMEE, Oh whoops! Did I just type that?).

Glenn bought me the most beautiful coat, and a jacket (see how well he knows me, he co-ordinated the presents by season! Can you say "OCD is contagious"? Can you?), and the new Madonna CD, and he framed a photo of us and a photo of my family, which was incredible sweet (although it means I have a large photo of my head in a frame and a large photo of Demon Sister).

My parents out did themselves this year, traditionally they go a little crazy on the presents, my sister and I have woken up on Christmas morning to piles and piles of presents for as long as I can remember and this year was no different. except this year Glenn also got a stack of presents (to my absolute disgust, THEY COULD HAVE SPENT THAT MONEY ON ME!). My mother has a history of buying me slightly bizarre presents though, my first year at uni she said all my gifts were going to be practical, and I though that would be cool, I would get a nice bag, or a coat, what I did not expect was to open 150 individually wrapped tampons, no, that I was not expecting, but that is what she did. The next year she said she was going along a more fun route, and she bought me a leather mini skirt, two basques with matching thongs and suspender belts, thanks for that mom, about that career I'm supposed to be finding for myself? Think I may be going down a slightly different than you seem to be envisaging for me......

So since The Year Of The Tampon and The Year Of The How-To-Be-A-Hooker Gift Set, I have been wary of the present pile, but the woman, she did good! She pretty much got me everything for my kitchen that I hadn't got but also hadn't thought about getting, casserole dishes (sorry, what was that? I don't make casseroles? I Don't know WHAT you mean.......), serving spoons, a cake slice and I know that it all sounds very dull but you don't even realise you need these things until you stand there with a large chocolate cake, six people round the table and only a paring knife with which to serve it. And there were clothes and make up and suff too so she could say that she personalised it.

Dinner was fabulous, I'm not going to list what it was because I bet you had your own fabulous meal and everybody always thinks that they/their mom/their dad/their grandma/their guardian/adopted... oh for christs sake... cooks the best dinner, but I'm telling you, you have not eaten until you have eaten Christmas Dinner with Ma Davis, she might not consume food herself (Good God no!), but she sure knows how to cook it!

So I suppose I should mention Jesus, or the poor, or I should add a senstive poem or something, and I totally would but the thing is, Christmas for me is just a time to be happy and to see people who you don't normally see. I give to charity every month, on Christmas day we take a walk along the river in Stratford and give alcohol to homeless people (see how nice we are?!) and I subscribe to things and I care (I might not sound like I do, but I do, those TV appeal things make me cry EVERY SINGLE TIME) but I think the constant, preachy, ram it down your throat approach makes more people switch off than switch on. Everyone has their own personal demons, relatively speaking everyone suffers the same pain, we just get through each obstacle the best we can, so Christmas for me, is about recognising it, then putting it to one side and having a good time.

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and that you have a great New Year, I hope that 2006 fixes all the things that were wrong with 2005 but makes all the good things greater.

And my personal gift to you all is this - ANTONY DZERYN CRIED DURING KING KONG! I SAW HIM! HE'S A BIG GIRLY GIRL!!!! ANTONY - BIG CRYING GIRL! hee hee!