Conversations and an observation at a fireworks display

1.

Him: Did you see all those people dressed up back there?

Me: Yeah, the ones collecting money for charity?

Him: Yeah, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying and I was looking at one of them wondering what she was saying and why she was dressed up and then as we walked past them she suddenly looked me straight in the eye and said “CHILDREN WITH AIDS”, I was really confused…

Me: (Laughing) well you should feel bad about the CHILDREN WITH AIDS, did you give her any money?

Him: I couldn’t find any change.

Me: Oh dear…

Him: So I gave her some of your money.

Me: Well wasn’t that nice of me?

Him: Yes it was.



2.


After feeling like a bloody great mammoth for the majority of the last two
months (just one long, extended fat day), I have felt pretty good this week
on my healthy eating plan, and then yesterday morning in the hotel, noticed
some scales and as I haven't weighed myself since July I thought I'd get on
them with one eye shut and standing on one leg (because that is BOUND to
make me lighter) and I have lost a stone since July apparently. Think this
is probably the scales rather than me, different scales say different things
according to my mother, but it made me feel better so that's ok.

In celebration, I had a samosa, I am RADICAL


3.

Me: Can you smell that?

Moch: Yeah, does it make you want some? Does it? Eh? Does it?

Me: Yeeeeeeah, I’ve got some but I lost it, it was in my underwear drawer, think G’s hidden it in a non-approving way, like the time he put it in the lampshade in the living room and then giggled behind a cushion while I tried to find it.

Moch: Either that or I’ve hidden it in a non-approving way…

LOF: And then she’s given it to me and I’ve had it…

Me: Is that’s what’s happened to it?

Moch: Could be….

Me: I’m so shocked!

Moch: (Laughing) Not really you dafthead, haven’t touched it, think Mr Dz might have it though…

Me: Mr Dz, have you been going through my underwear drawer?

Mr Dz: (confused as has been out of ear shot of the conversation), eh? What? Who now?

Me: Have you been looking through my pants?

Mr Dz: (sly smile on his face) noooooooooo, me?

Me: Oh! It’s you! You’ve been through my knicker drawer!

Mr Dz: I’m denying all knowledge.

Me: So is it you who took my pink bra because it’s gone AWOL and now I just have the knickers and I can’t wear them if I haven’t got the bra…

Moch: how the hell did this conversation happen?
Me: Seriously now, has anyone seen my pink bra?