Get home after an unexpected reprieve from working away all week. I pull up on the driveway at 3.30, pull out the car keys, wait, those aren't my car keys, those are Glenn's car keys, Glenn's car keys don't have house keys on them.
Fuck.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
Fuck it's cold.
Right, call Moch, she lives like a mile away, Moch's not answering, well why should she? Even teachers aren't home this early unless they have one of those transporter things like in The Fly, God that's a disgusting film, that bit with the ear......
Think woman! call mum and dad, dad might be working from home, they're not answering either, Aimee won't be in..... Man it's cold... Glenn won't be home for three hours... I am going to freeze to death in the car....
Fuck.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
Might as well eat those emergency peanut M&M's then..... yep, nothing like freezing to death in a Rover to make you comfort eat.... Paul Mckenna would ask you if you really are hungry..... Fuck that.
Turning the radio on.... Kanye West.... Turning the radio off....
Call Glenn again... yep, no help, not like he can send me keys in one of those transporter things like in The Fly, oh God there it is again, the ear..... Not as scary as The Wicker Man though... definately more gross....
So... very.... cold.... bet this is how those arctic explorers feel, nah, bet they're warmer, they have bigger coats....
Might have a look at those job descriptions I printed off yesterday.... God there's a lot of crap in this bag.... gum... pens.... keys.... sungla... wait a minute! KEYS!
KEYS! I HAVE KEYS! YES! KEYS! KEYS TO MY HOUSE! I'M GOING TO LIVE! LIVE I TELL YOU!
Next door neighbour is looking at me like I'm crazy... probably because I was sat in my car for nealy half an hour and then started jumping up and down in aforementioned car, and then got out of it.
Idiot.
Me, not the neighbour.
Possibly both.
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