The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

1. Alex Drum - Age 10, looked like a hedghog.
2. Tom Green / David Whittles - Ages 11 to 13, I just kind of flitted between the two, equally geeky, with equally bad hair. David was the superior of the two in retrospect. Tom dumped me for Mariah Carey more than once and there were those persistant rumours about his sexuality that became hard to ignore... although he is now engaged to Heather Latham so it is alleged and certainly not my opinion (his Dad had a lot of money, and someone who has that much love for The Mariahmight not be afraid to sue a person).
3.) Matthew Saunders - Age 13, HUGE nose, really, I can't emphasise enough the size of this boys nose, it was enormous. Nice guy though.
4.) Tom Hawthorn- Age 14, he was 15 and GORGEOUS, I thought he was going to be my peak until Hamish (see number 10), but alas, I was from the wrong side of the tracks for this boy, his mother viewed me with a disdain something akin to disgust when I appeared on the doorstep in my fringed hippyesque skirt, and at the time I was flirting with vegetarianism which made it even worse. It lasted 4 months and in all that time we did not have one single conversation, we did stand around the corridor looking at our shoes a lot but that alone does not a relationship make.
5.) Robert Deeks- Age 15, was a distant cousin of Barbara Windsor (that's true you know), he was and still is a wonderful person, despite getting caught selling marijuana to the kids in year 9. He now has a degree in peace studies so actually, the drugs might work, and I could have gone out with him for longer had it not been for
6.) Adam Harrison- Age 15-17, Now we get serious, the first person I ever fell in love with, I had admired 'Harry' from afar since the tender age of 13 and when he kissed me on the sofa in his mum's house my entire world collapsed and re-built itself in 15 seconds, and in the new world the sky was bluer, the grass was greener and love, (LOVE PEOPLE!) was the greatest energy source in it. I adored him for 18 months, until it all became too much and I was unceremoniously dumped for a girl called Becky Wheetabix (not her real name, but don't you wish it had been?) She had a drivers license, I had hormonal issues, I never stood a chance.
7.) Russell Everton - Age 17-20, here it all gets very complicated. I did love him, I really did, just not in the way he needed me to love him, but I tried; I tried on and off for almost 4 years. The problem initially was we were still in school doing our A Levels and I desperately needed him just be cooler than he was, I'll admit that, at 17 I was so shallow I couldn't bear to be in the same room as him and my friends. That is something I will regret as long as I live but you only realise mistakes like that when you're older. So I went to Uni and he went to the uni next door after a blissful holiday in Rhodes where we did nothing but sleep and have the kind of sweaty empty sex you only have when you're 18. I dumped him, he cried, so I un-dumped him, then he found some balls and dumped me but I cried so he un-dumped me and in between all the dumping and un-dumping there was
8.)Tom Starkey - Lovely, just lovely, I miss him and
9.) James Austin - Age 19. He was 24 (going on 44, he's actually got younger as he's got older and if you ever read this James, that's no bad thing). He is the one person I would reverse time to do things differently with, he was emotionally and sexually stunted it's true but whole heartedly lovely, and I still keep in touch with him, and we worry about each other in a kind and caring way, and the last time I saw him was at the end of the easter break in 2000, and sometimes I miss him. but you see the reason I would have to reverse time to do things differently was
10.) Russell Bloody Everton, and I would go back and I would find my past self and I would pin her up against the wall and I would scream 'NO, stop it! This is what is going to change you forever, this is what RUINS so many things', but I can't, and it did, and I'm sorry. We eventually tore each other into so many bits that one of us had to be strong enough to end it for good, and he did, and that is the single only thing I am grateful to him for.
11.) Here is where it gets hazy, I suppose you could just have a brief list of Tom (proud of that one, Captain of the rugby team, found him pissing him in the middle of the night in the corner of my room though), Colin (dull dull dull), Alan (tried to teach me quadratic equations on a serviette in a bowling alley), Tom (different one, tried, but could not conquer the inexplicable power of The Russell), Si (stopped half way through The Act to convince me he knew all the words to Muppets Christmas Carol, and you know what? he did!), Frank (kept waking me up in the middle of the night to tell me how BEAUTIFUL I was and how he JUST HAD TO MAKE LOVE TO ME, I couldn't be doing with that, I need more sleep), Hamish (BEAUTIFUL, but dull dull dull, and a penis no bigger than a wotsit), there were others but their names escape me, and so we move ever quickly to;
12.) David Fenwick, Age 22, he was 26 and far and away the single biggest mistake of my life, I spent roughly 10 months stoned out of my mind in a tiny one bedroom flat only venturing out for munchies and milk when he let me, he destroyed my self-respect and my confidence as he thought up new and ever more inovative ways to put me down, some physical, some verbal, but I was stoned that you know, whatever man.... towards the end I was only allowed to leave the flat to go back to work on Monday morning and why I ever went back on a Friday night is a mystery to me still, until one day, reverberating from him smashing my phone against the wall into pieces because I had been sent a message from, shock, a man! I left and never spoke to him again.

Which brings us to Glenn, and I am not going to say anymore about him here because he will at some point get a post just about him, and it's nothing close to what he deserves, because when I kissed him, my whole world collapsed and re-built itself in 15 seconds and in this new world the sky is bluer, the grass is greener and love, (LOVE PEOPLE!) is the greatest energy source in it.