The brilliance of Imodium, is that it has the exact opposite effect on your bottom system to what you are suffering from, providing sweet, sweet relief. A side effect of Imodium, is that it has the exact opposite effect on your bottom system to what you were suffering from.
To put it succinctly, last week I was doing it too much, this week I'm not doing it at all. Turns that when I rejected my boyfriend the toilet, it got all upset and now never wants to see me again.
This is a problem.
Unfortunately, it is a problem the women in my family suffer from anyway, and when put together with a endometriosis legion the size of a mobile phone (Samsung T610 to be precise) in an unfortunate place, this means I have gone from one extreme to another, from the sublime to the ridiculous, from a rock to a hard place, out of the frying pan and into the raging, screaming, almost the most uncomfortable I have ever been inferno.
Ah well, nothing to do now but wait it out.
Black Eye Update - the bruise whch was just in the crease of my eyelid has spread down and around my eye, you know that joke where someone puts boot polish around the lens of a telescope and the next person to use it gets a ring around their eye? That, I look just like that.
And no, there will be no photographic proof, you're just going to have to trust me when I say I look like an idiot who got drunk and smashed their face into a door frame.
Sidebar - I know some people by a marriage that is now a divorce who are not very nice people, and when I say not very nice, I mean the head of the family was in the SS, when you get the impression they would make good Nazi's, you're not wrong. They keep photo albums of family illnessess, accidents etc, and on the extremely rare occasions I have found myself in their home I have been shown the aforementioned albums while sipping weak tea and eating bundt cake, "and this is Robert's rash on day 3.... day 4.... day 6 is a good one, it's where it started to ooze....". I'm just not sure what I would do with a photo of my gross eye, short of donating it to them.
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6 comments:
get pissed on cider - never been a cider drinker myself, but apparently, it helps with situations such as yours...
added one too many commas in there - apologies
When I worked on the bars at the festivals, me and the boys used to take an immodium or two on the Friday, in an effort to avoid using the 1 portaloo provided for 150 bar staff and the 3 portaloos they provide back at the trader's campsite for the 3500 traders.
That would see us through until about Tuesday when we were clean again and had the chance to sit on a porcelin throne once more. However, the ensuing poop was likened to giving birth (on good authority from a mother who used to do the bars with us).
Good luck
You always said that you didn't poo, and now it's true!
Codeine + three Shredded Wheat = mild arse misery
All good advice, I thank you, my mother says anything with lots of bran in it and it's true that I have avoided All Bran since a particular nasty incident in 1997.
My sister advocates Vodka, she advocates Vodka for most things though...
Mark - I love codeine and would happily take it even if I wasn't in this situation.
Mr Bogus - You are right, I am in fact too posh to poo.
Gareth - What's annoyed me is it said to take two and I only took one!
Lizzie - Would Snakey B have the same effect?
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