Google - not necessarily a good thing.

I googled an ex-boyfriend this morning in a moment of INSANITY. When will I ever learn to leave well alone, it started when I had a look on friends reunited (see previous post about why that is evil) and he's doing well and sounds happy (actually his post was very much 'I am so cool and accomplished and have left you all so far behind that you barely register in the rearview mirror of my life')so I thought, I wonder what happens if I google him...

I google most people I meet, my boss has a picture of himself from 1995 dressed in a dubiously fitted cricket outfit, Mr Dz once delivered a presentation on the Wizard of Oz and a synopsis on the first episode of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', nobody else has ever brought up anything at all. Until now.

It turns out I once had an on/off relationship which lasted the best part of four years with the worlds most talented student of architecture. He got a 1st, was nominated for come kind of Presidents Medal from RIBA (some posh architecture thing), and is now studying at some posh architecture place in London where after graduation he will no doubt attempt to TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

Someone I used to be friends with (you know, the one who said I was FAT) emailed me recently to tell me they had seen him at some gig in London and he is 'looking wonderful', I almost drove to where she is living now to punch her in the face because I just didn't need to be told that considering how much of a total mess I was after we finally broke up. Actually though, now my head is split in two about the whole thing. I'm not going to deny that half A wishes he was dead, and if it can't have dead it will accept disabled, blind, comatose or just plain miserable, that man was the reason I spent a year of my life drunk (quite literally), I went OFF the rails and fell into Crazy Country. Part B however remembers just how much untapped potential he had in his fucked up crazy brain and is SO GLAD that that potential is being realised, he has a serious talent and it would be a crime against humanity if that were to have been wasted. So I think what I am going to do is let part B rule the professional and part A rule the personal. To that end I would like to write the following;

Dear R,
I recently google you and would like to congratulate you on your professional achievements, I always knew you were an outstandingly talented human being with so much to offer in terms of your design capabilities, I hope you continue to share these gifts with the world and reap the financial benefits they deserve. However, I hope that when you get home from a hard day in the office and open the door to your state of the art apartment with panoramic views of the city, you are totally alone and have to drink yourself to sleep, the pillow beneath your head wet from all the tears of unhappiness you weep... and wank.

From (because the love is dead my friend),

The girl whose life you didn't ruin after all.