Here Goes... Random photo #2

Can someone PLEASE tell me how to turn the flippin' thing round so you don't have to turn your head in some unnatural, gravity defying twist?

This is me and Nic, I met Nic at uni and she is also the daughter of my boss, the Big Boss, the Boss of my Boss's Boss, the CEO, the Grand Poobah, his Royal Exhaultedness. When I met him, it was at Nic's birthday about three years ago. Nic, myself and another pretty lady called Jane were reminiscing about back in the day when we were wild and free and His Grand Majesty was asking what we were talking about. He was not actually my boss at this point and I had no idea he ever would be so I said 'we're talking about when Chris and Ian used to do the woman', what's the woman? he asked, at this point Nic kicked me under the table, you know, like thay do in the films. I looked at her and she had this pleasedon'tpleasedon'tpleasedon't look on her face. I did anyway because frankly, I'm not that good with other peoples parents, I tend not to care too much.

This was a mistake.

So I explained that while living in the Halls of Residence (Thwaite Hall, it was so beautiful, it had botanical gardens and a lake, yes, a lake.) two lads called Chris and Ian used to wait until about 1 or 2am and then torture the first person who had gone to bed that evening by banging on their bedroom door until the poor sod was forced awake and had to open it to make the banging go away. When they opened the door, not only were Chris and Ian nekkid, but they had tucked their genitals in between their thighs and as far back as was possible without cutting off any blood supply to anything essential, so that they looked like.... a woman. Now, this is funny to the person looking at them doing it when that person awake and aware, but it was just hysterical if you were looking at the person who had just been woken up and could not for the life of them understand how it was possible.

So I explain this to The Lord On High and Nic is slowly sinking further and further into her chair, and at the end he sort of smiles a little bit and then excuses himself. Well screw it I think, he wanted to know, so I told him, oh how we laughed.

(later that evening, at a club in Sheffield, a drunk girl having a row with her boyfriend at the top of some stairs, threw an entire pint of cider over Jane and I who were standing underneath aforementioned stairs, I like to think of this as the Universe's (comma?) way of saying 'oh foolish, foolish girl... SHUT UP!)

So now it's three years later and I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT. Everyone at the company is in awe of him, very intimidated by him and there was me, shouting my mouth off about the woman.

The Woman.

Everytime I think about it, I just want to die.

(however, it was the next day that I had the phone call inviting me for the interview for my currernt position, a job I hadn't actually applied for, so maybe that's how you get jobs, just humiliate yourself to the nth degree and let it happen.....)

Incidently, the dress I am wearing in the above picture was bought 20 minutes before I had to be at the champagne reception that evening, after weeks and weeks of looking. Nic said it was not sophisticated enough when I tried it on and that's pretty much the reason I bought it. I am nothing if not argumentative.