How sweet it is to be loved by you

Moch and LOF are having sex in a country that is not Britain this week, that's right, they're on holiday. It's very weird them not being around, it's amazing how quickly you get used to a person just being around the corner from you even after years and years of living hundreds of miles away from each other.

I may have spoken oh so briefly (and for 'oh so briefly' you can read 'banged on about until Glenn has started to fantasize about driving a monster truck through my face') about some people who I used to know who I don't know anymore. That is to say we choose not to know each other because if we did ever come face to face again we would attempt to claw each others eyes out with dull instruments. It left me very unsure of who I was and what I was doing, and I realised that whether it be through these people with VERY BAD HAIR or through boyfriends my parents tried to have arrested, I was very much defining myself by who I surrounded myself with. This meant that when these people were no longer part of my life I felt lost.

(Glenn is revving the monster truck, I can hear it....)

Anyway, this isn't going to be some poor me, why were they so mean? I hope they die post, this is going to be a thank you post.

(he's taken his foot off the accelorator but it's hovering above it just in case...)

I want to say thank you to Mocha and LOF and also Ros, Nikki, and Mr Dz), for giving me lots of metaphorical hugs and some real ones, for always treating me like part of their family even when I'm sure I was annoying the living shit out of them. I can't believe I wasted so much time crying and moaning about what my 'friends' had done when they were not my friends at all, and my real friends were the ones making the cups of tea and telling me not to worry about it (and sometimes offering to find certain people and open up a can of whup ass). I owe you so much.

To Moch especially, recently Moch has been a little sad, I don't know if she knows that I've noticed because I haven't asked and she hasn't said anything, but there has most definately been something up. Now being the kind of person I am (INCREDIBLY SELF ABSORBED) I instantly thought that I had done something to upset her and so I kind of hung back for a few days, on reflection I don't know if this was the right thing to do because in the (MOST LIKELY) event that it was not about me, she may have needed a chat, a cup of tea and some support (HOW SHIT AM I?). I think it could be about her disillusionment (sp?) about her job which she loves, or just the stress of every day things, but she should know that I admire her immensely and can totally see why my Mom would prefer she had had her rather than me (seriously, please don't doubt that to be the truth because when my mom says her name, I swear birds start singing by the window).

Anyways, I just wanted to say that because they are away and I miss them not being around, and not just because I would rather they were there to supervise Glenn playing with live wires either (although that too).

I would also (and I have to be quick here because Glenn is checking the oil on that monster truck and rubbing his hands together with glee) like to say that Liz is the cherry on the top of a fucking sweet cake, and I cannot wait to spend more time with her and Gareth because every time I see them I spend the whole time laughing (with them, not at them) and they are pretty amazing people to have come to know and love.

If I had known this time last year what was just about to happen to the friendships I thought were my bedrock, I would have been terrified, but if I had known how the story was going to end, I would not have been worried at all.