Pablo

Went on Friends Reunited last night because I AM A GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT and found the BEST update ever. A girl I went to middle school with wrote the following -

'After touring North and South America with Ozzy Osborne I developed several Columbian contacts and have a large supply chain of fine grade cocaine. I have made over £150 million pounds importing the white gold and now have plans to start my own airline.

Still using Redditch as a base, but that's just my cover (with all the other criminals and scum in the town, they have bigger fish to fry).

Living with my husband number 5, andy, (the rest went 'missing' suddenly) I run a chain of male escorts who also work as 'Dream boys' or chippendales when I'm not pimping their asses.'

Why am I not in touch with this girl?